Dependency

I lost my ability to relay on another.

The day my secrets were reveal.

She said she heard it from her brother.

The one I trusted and thought was real.

Now being dependent...

Does not come easily...

Always Leads to resentment...

So, I hold back greedily...

So I settle with being alone...

Unwilling to let another in..

Always feeling more at home...

Keeping everything within...

Then I tried once again.

Until the day I lost my only asylum.

From all the drugs and torment.

Watching it fall to the ground in dissolution.

Now being reliant on another..

Never feels natural...

Even for a "brother"...

Doesn't seem rational...

So I stay in my lane...

Pushing everyone away...

Makes life easy to maintain...

As I watch others live their lives in dismay...

I stop allowing myself to be a fool.

Trusting the one who never let's me down.

Never feeling the pain or joys was the rule.

Until I let God put them around.

Still don't ask for help...

From the fear of letting go..

Of all the time I yelp...

Keeping the relationship faux...

I continue to help myself...

Relaying on me and I...

Waiting for the day I'm expelled...

From this life and say goodbye...