My Fear is The End

I have not message on here for a bit, and the reason is quite simple. I run out of things to say. But I now have somethings to talk about. This week I lost someone very important to me, my Grandma. She passed away early Tuesday morning, I never realized how much she meant until I got the phone call Saying she was gone. Now I am force to look over my life as I always do. If I died what would I live behind? That is the true question, and the answer is nothing! Sure I would leave behind a body and material goods. But I have nothing in my life that is gonna mean anything after I am gone, no kids, no wife, no girlfriend, No job, no house, hell not even a real life. My biggest fear is to died alone and to fail at everything life Is about. So far my fear is coming to life too. I am a fucking loser who works a McDonald's to pay his bills. I have no life and keep myself so busy that I fool myself into thinking that I do in fact have a life. When am I gonna realize this is not the life that has been planned for me, when will I surrender my life, To the almighty God, yes, there is another thing. I am a hypocrite right? I am over here sinning and Cursing and living the life of an unbeliever when I am for a matter of fact a BELIEVER, I believe in Jesus Christ I believe in God, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and for you and for all of humanity. I believe that if I turn to God all will be good and that Satan himself cannot touch me. I believe that if I called out to Jesus as my SAVIOR as the SON OF GOD as GOD HIMSELf that all will be forgiven That all will be made new....that I WILL BE MADE NEW! But yet I am stuck in my ways of sins. I find myself turning away from God away from happiness....away from my dreams for without God I Will meet Satan, I will meet my end.....but what scares me most is that I will meet my FEARS!