Clarifying

Hey readers, I have heard someone say that what I was saying is stupid and does not attract readers, well I just want anyone else that feels this way to know I am not writing this to gain readers in fact I can care less if anyone ever reads this, These post were started as a way I could get the way I feel about things out in the open. I have always seen keeping a Diary/Journal as a healthy way to let go of things that you may not be able to tell anyone else but I never have been one for keeping myself close...I pride myself of being an "open book". I am not afraid to say what needs to be said and if I am asked a question I have always felt the need to tell the truth, now that being said I keep no secret of myself but I do believe in keeping the trust of friends and family...and complete strangers...so although I may hint at a secret or say something that resembles a secret I will NEVER say a name and I would keep the identity a complete secret and will not even give the slightest hint like I did in my previous post with the "nicknames." Okay well that is all I can write today my roommate is playing his guitar again so I cannot really focus since he is always loud! (his girlfriend would understand :p) Remember if there is anyone who ever feels like commenting or asking a question or even simply wants to say Hi I can be reach practically anytime at wmorgan23@gmail.com....

Here It Comes....

Hey, that is right I am back again! Last time I talked about how my life was turned upside-down and then back around and then all over the place, just to let you know it is still all over the place but it is getting better which brings me to my next thing. I have never been very good at talking about heart to heart things....when they concern my heart and feelings and everyone who knows me will back me up on this...I mean when it comes to someone needed help with another issue I am ALL ears and I have been known to even give advice, or even write for them (ill post a copy at the end of this segment) but when it comes to things I want someone to know even as simple as telling them how much they mean to me has always been difficult for me to say. Which is why I am writing this...and before I go into it I just want to say I am not going to say any names! if the people I am talking about read this they will know who they are....
First I want to address you, The Fuzzy Haired Lion, I just want you to know that even through I have a habit of bugging you and no doubt frustrating you, I am glad I did not manage to push you completely away like I have many times before. I know you probably do not even understand how much you have actually help me! From everything from keeping me alive to helping me go back to the true me to thing as serious as helping remember what it is to be true to ones religion (just so the other readers, if there are any, I am a Christian and I have lost my way...quite a bit)...I want you to know that I do not believe I would still be on earth if it was not because of you...and also even though I know I am always telling you that I am going to Hell that it has been set the Lucifer actually has a room all set up for me, I want you to know that when you leave this life, I want to be the one to meet you at the Beautiful Golden Gates of Heaven's Everlasting Garden since you are one of the three (friendwise) who would be responsible for me being allowed entrance to the beautiful world of God!
Next is to no other then you, The Roommate, you are probably the main reason for me writing this...this confession. I just want you to know, even though I am almost positive you will NEVER read this but I figure if I put it out in the open maybe I will not feel the need to tell you, since I would have already told you....sort of.....now before I say this I want you to understand how big this is, for my whole life I never really had a friend I would have consider a "best" friend, in fact I always considered the idea of having one friend you could trust more then the others or one friend you would consider your relationship to be different from the others was just...why moronic. Best now that I have gotten to know you...more then I have ever expected to know anyone! I found that exact idea, realistic. You are truly my best friend which I know may not seem like the big of a deal since you are one of the few "true" friends I actually have...and just so you know I am not foolish enough to believe I am your best friend...I mean you certainly have other way more qualified then I, but I just want you to know that like with anyone...yeah that does include complete strangers I aint afraid :)...I am always here for you, even when you think I'm not...and I may surprise with how well I understand how you are feeling or struggling since I have dealt with practically everything from simple heartbreak to dealing with sins (like Lust and Envy) to suicide...I can probably guarantee you, no one knows even half of what I have made it through....by the way I know I am always saying things like "I do not what t be in the wedding of The Fuzzy Haired Lion and The Roommate, to be honest if you chose me to be in the wedding I would be thrilled to take the position, and yes that does include your best man.....
Which brings me to you, The Short One, now you are probably a mix between The Fuzzy Haired Lion and The Roommate, I know it is a strange connection. but you have helped me with practically the same amount of things and with almost the same problems as The Fuzzy Haired Lion did....you guys are actually a great team and then how you are like The Roommate? well I do not believe you truly understand how important your friendship is to me...let me just tell you if it was not because of you I would have to been long gone....maybe not dead but at very least in a long deep sleep in a hole where I would never be found.....and remember you and The Fuzzy Haired Lion and The Roommate are always first on my list if you have a problem you need to talk out....
And to everyone who cares enough to read I want you to remember I am always open to hear your thoughts and ideas...you can also ask me questions, just talk, hey I am even open to hearing your problems...if your are embarrass don't be I have heard it all from having an eating problem, to how to have sex, to my boyfriend/girlfriend broke-up with me, to my friend asked me out...I am always all ears.....here is that extra little thing I have promised in the beginning....a little background a friend who I did not mention on here was having relationship problems and as he talked I wrote this to help his girlfriend understand how he felt about her....(and just so you know, I know it is completely crap but she appreciated it):


<<< Your Love Is My >>>
Your love is my personal Diamond...
Many want it...
But only I have it...
& I wouldn't trade it....
For anything in the World...
For it is PRICELESS!

Your love is my personal Drug...
It hypnotizes me..
I lose ALL control...
& it makes me...
Want to do nothing...
But be with only you!

Your love is my personal Doctor...
It keeps my sanity in arms length...
It keeps my hope ALIVE...
It keeps my head at ease...
But most of all...
It keeps my heart beating!

Your love is my personal Spots Car...
It makes me the LUCKIEST guy alive!

The Beginning

Okay, well I have not added anything to this Blogspot in quite sometimes, and to be honest it is simple....it is because I lost my Muse, she left me sometime ago for my best friend. And although I have been over her for quite sometime I have not got over the was I felt to finally be able to write again...and not only that but to actually enjoy it. Since I was not man enough to come to terms that I lost this Muse but that does not mean I would never find another again, I could not bring myself to come back and look at how happy I was to write again, now even when she left you could notice by the posts I could still write! I know this is not gonna sound right if she happens to stumble back across this....so this is for her ---Yes I am completely over you! I do not even think about how left could have been because I see the truth now...which I totally do not want to get into right now...I am just writing this in case sometime down the road someone actually cares enough to read through this crappy "Blog," if you could even call it that, they can understand my break, which in reality has nothing to do with you more of how you helped me--- Back to the rest of you! Now this Muse she help me understand something, and that is that I missed my imagination. I never understood the pain I felt and why it felt so hard to let her go until I realize i was not holding on to her because I "loved" her but I was holding on because I fear I would lose myself, here is what I mean, and I am warning you it is pretty stupid and I see that now, now when I moved down to the interception town of Centerville, Arkansas in the summer of 2005 I vowed to myself I would never allow myself to be the same guy I was back in Gallatan Country Elementary School in Northern Kentucky, you see back then my self-confidence was sooooo low that I felt the only way I could truly find "true love" and "true friendship" is by being a doormat I did whatever I was ask...and some of it I still wonder about....now once I started playing sports I did gain a little bit of confidence but I could not shake the feeling that I had to do whatever someone wanted in order for them to stay in my life. My life was empty and I felt that that is when I discover writing and how it was a get way to let the emptiness out...it was my escape! I wrote page after page, notebook after notebook...I filled boxes among boxes and stored them in the shed where no one will find them....when I found out we were moving to a different state I saw and opportunity to fill the emptiness with something other then writing...maybe I could find true friends. I went out late that night and burned everything I write and watch as my life...my old life turned to ashes and then watched as the ashes blew away in the wind. Then I moved and left myself back in Kentucky in ashes flying in the wind. I turned myself into someone....no...something else! I turned into a complete ASSHOLE! (sorry about the language but no other word can even give you the slightest clue of how i was) I pushed everyone already I was truly alone and I refused to allow myself to go back, I did things to help ease the pain that I am not proud of...but that is for another time...then I found...her....the Muse! She helped me see who I was being and that it was not me...she help me realize that the old me was not completely bad...to rekindle my love for writing...she even help me get started...in fact I actually made this blog for her....then I started the change...in fact I am still changing....I know the old me was not completely bad but neither was the "new" me...I am still working on finding the "Happy Medium" people always talk about......that is all for tonight, and I know this whole thing has been pretty pointless but part of making a change means you need to recruit help....and since I do not want my friends...and yes I finally think I found some true friends....know about all my struggles, since it is I who needs to keep my crap together in order to keep from going over board and what are they going to do to help???? I figure I will just admit them here and if someone reads it then okay and if this is seen by my eyes only I am kool with that too... Sorry about wasting your time! :)