Cold Dead Eyes

[Verse 1]

I thought I was on the up and up

Things were finally going my way

Looking in the mirror, can’t believe what I see

There’s a stranger standing in my place

[Pre-Chorus]

He’s staring back at me, yeah

With his cold dead eyes

[Chorus]

You ask me why I’m so distant

You wish that I would just answer

But I feel numb to the world

To my life, to everything

[Verse 2]

I thought I was on the up and up

Loving what life and God had for me

But somewhere along the way I lost myself

Now I don’t know who I’m supposed to be

[Pre-Chorus]

He’s staring back at me

With his cold dead eyes

[Chorus]

You ask me why I’m so distant

You wish that I would just answer

But I feel numb to the world

To my life, to everything

[Bridge]

I thought I had it all — the friends, the family

The job, the plan, the purpose, the dream

But now I’m just a shadow of what I used to be

Haunted by the man I thought I’d always be

[Breakdown / Refrain]

Looking in the mirror

Not recognizing the man

Staring back at me

With his cold dead eyes

[Final Chorus]

You ask me why I’m so distant

You wish that I would just answer

But I feel numb to the world

To my life, to everything

[Outro]

Looking in the mirror one last time

Praying one day I’ll come alive

And see through something more than

These cold dead eyes

Where Is My Rest

I am so tired

Tired of feeling like a disappointment

Tired of feeling like a burden

Tired of feeling like a failure

Tired of being me

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my rest

I am so tired

Tired of thoughts of secondtude

Tired of thoughts of unworthiness

Tired of thoughts of minority

Tired of being me

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my rest

I am so tired

Tired of the weight of dreams

Tired of the weight of responsibilities

Tired of the weight of happiness

Tired of being me

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my rest

I have prayed for their health

And you delivered 

I have prayed for their peace

And you delivered

I have prayed for their hope

And your delivered

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my Rest

I have prayed for my health

And you fell silent

I have prayed for my peace

And you stayed silent

I have prayed for my hope

And you stayed silent

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my rest

I believe you're still there

But it's getting hard to feel your presence 

I believe you're still working

But it's getting hard to see your hands

I believe you're still talking

But its getting hard to hear your voice

They say you give rest

Rest from the feelings

Rest from the thoughts

Rest from the weight

Where is my rest

Living This Way

I close my eyes

Fade away slowing

Eye lids glued shut

Never opening again

I speak goodbye

My voice trailing off

Lips pressed together

Never muttering noise again

Tired of living this way

Walking day and night

In the lie of my creation

Just wanting it to end

Tired of living this way

Hiding in the shadows

So they don't peak inside

Just want to disappear fully

Every cut gets deeper

Every burn gets hotter

I began to let go

My final act

Every breath gets shallower

Every beat gets slower

Until eventually sleep invades

My final goodbye

Tired of living this way

Walking day and night

In the lie of my creation

Just wanting it to end

Tired of living this way

Hiding in the shadows

So they don't peak inside

Just want to disappear fully

Done.

I'm always second best

Never able to hold up to the rest

Even on days to celebrate me

I am throw thrown out as debris

I'm always put on the sideline

Never saw as the headline

Even on days focused on me

I'll never have the certain degree

I'm always forgotten

Never to be cemented

Even on days I am present

I'm held at a distance

I'll have my thoughts said

But always left on read

No matter the alert

I'll always be irrelevant

I'm done being hurt

I'm done being on the outskirt

They Say

They say you're wanted

But then leave you ghosted 

They say they care

But then provide a deaf ear

They let you provide

But throw you aside

They calm to be family

But will always leave

They say they have your back

But only if it's on their track

They offer you a team

But leave you out of the dream

They make all these promises

But leave you feeling like a carcass.

Unnecessarily Here

Feeling quite pointless

Like a number 2 pencil

Sitting in a case of pens

Straight outta the box

Being quite useless

Like a pink eraser

Sitting on the desk

Of a computer engineer

Sitting here watching

How everyone is searched for 

Sitting here hearing 

How everyone is called for

Waiting for my turn

To be found

Waiting for my chance

To be asked

Being quite invisible

Like the wind

Blowing through the desert

On a hot summer day

Being quite unwanted

Like a steakhouse

Opened 24/7

On a street of vegan stores

Sitting here watching

How everyone is searched for 

Sitting here hearing 

How everyone is called for

Waiting for my turn

To be found

Waiting for my chance

To be asked

I Drink

I drink to forget all the pain you caused

I drink to remember the joy that could be

I drink to be blinded to things that did

I drink to see the things that will

I drink grow deaf from your lies

I drink to hear the world's truth 

I drink to undo all the wrongs

I drink to start things right

I drink to end the man I am

I drink to be the man I AM