So, here's the thing about living in a bigger family. You have to pick up the from where everyone else is too afraid to go. You have to become the "jackass" in order for them to realize just how serious you can be. But what they are not realizing is that you aren't doing it just because but because it's needs to be done...because you know if you don't do it no one every will.






Sorry about the shit. I could end it all but if I do who would be left for the blame to fall back on.....

Meaningless Sex?

So, here it is, I have not wrote in this in a while and I wish I had but sometimes it is hard to write when you have no muse. But it is Monday night, two days after I watch two of my best friends great married. Now, this is a great thing and I am happy for them more then I could express and God knows I love them both, so much so that I will willingly jump in front of a train, a bullet, or a speedy car in a heart beat if I knew it will help them in one way or another.

But here is thing the wedding as beautiful as it may have been it brought up some conflicting feelings. I realize just how lonely my life can be. I mean I try to justify it by saying "I just do not have the time to find and entertain a girl." or even "I just wanting to focus on my education and career." But the truth is do I even really want to find a girlfriend?

Sometimes I just feel that what I really want....no need is some meaningless sex. Just release some....tension...just have a fling just old fashion fun.  The problem with that is I do not believe in meaningless sex. I believe that even if you had sex once and was drunk and do not remember it, it is still meaningful even if it is just something like waking up next to an naked body and realizing maybe just maybe you should not drink as much next time.

I guess what I really want.....no what I really need is to find that ONE, the one who when I see my heart goes from 0 to 60 in less then 5 seconds, the one who when I talk to it stimulates intelligence and joy, the one who will give me the motivation to wait for sexual fun that I so desperately want.
Okay, I am going to have to sign off now since I need to get some sleep because another night in hell known as my job. As always do hesitate to comment and share. :)